it's been awhile.....

....since I posted here. So sorry for the absence. I could make excuses like "summer happened" or "life intervened" but the truth is that I just simply stalled out on the journey. Picture me plopping down in the middle of the road and just sitting there for a few months-- because that's really how I felt about it. Perhaps through erosion I might have moved a few inches, but it certainly didn't feel like I was actively participating in the journey for that time. Although I do know, from past life experience, that sometimes when we feel stuck in place-- amazing things are moving all around us, and life becomes a swirling chaos of unseen activity. Sometimes we simply can't see how all the pieces fall into place until we get a few miles down the road and look back to see where we've been. My fingers are crossed that this turns out to be one of those times in my life.

I wish I could say that I'm completely back on track and engaged in the journey again, but it doesn't quite feel that way yet. I have a great desire to move forward, move on, get going--- but I don't feel like I'm moving just yet. Perhaps life, the universe, God, intends for me to remain here a bit longer. Perhaps there is a lesson I need to learn before I can progress to the next leg of the journey. Perhaps. Waiting is not my strong suit. Patience is not one of my virtues. I am more of the "ok, let's *do* something" kind of woman. I become restless and antsy when I'm required to wait. And maybe that's exactly why I'm being forced (because it does feel forced) to wait at this point in my life. Maybe the lesson for me at this point in the journey is patience, waiting, stillness. I feel like I've been in this waiting pattern for over a year. Maybe I just haven't learned the lesson yet....

The trouble with waiting is that it appears outwardly like you're not doing anything. And we're taught that we should always be doing something, anything. I see 2 things wrong with that. One-- why am I concerned with others' perceptions of my outward appearance? (We could argue about whether or not I should be concerned, but that's a post for another day.) Two-- why can't we do nothing? Why does every minute need to be occupied? My home office is located on the 2nd floor of our house. The view from my one window is of the mountain about half a mile away. Our street and neighborhood is very quiet, not much traffic or noisy neighbors nearby. In spring and fall I like to leave the window open so the breeze can blow in. I have beautiful white sheer curtains on the window, and on breezy days they billow out gently into the room. I can see the Japanese maple tree in our front yard, and I'm fascinated by its leaves-- the subtle purple/green in spring and red/purple in fall. Some days I could sit here in my office and stare out the window for long periods of time and not *do* anything at all except watch what goes on outside my window. Some people might consider it a complete waste of time. Daydreaming? Slacking? Laziness? Some might consider it a form of light meditation, or at the very least an exercise in expanding environmental awareness.

Perhaps I need to spend more time staring out my office window, practicing my patience.